The challenges of dating as an Asian-Australian man

But when I do, I mostly stick to shows with a focus on romance. Whether in reality shows like Love Island and The Bachelorette or fictional series like The L Word and Modern Love , I am constantly finding women like myself—women of color—left out of romantic lead roles. Instead of being on the receiving end of a healthy romantic relationship, they often play the friend, the roommate, or the one who is undeserving of healthy love. The show follows Mickey, a young white woman living in Los Angeles who struggles with alcoholism and sex addiction. Despite her very apparent flaws, she has no problem attracting men and ends up in a relationship with a guy named Gus. The recently cheated-on Gus is newly single and still coping with his breakup. Like other men on the show, he takes a deep interest in Mickey, despite her chaotic lifestyle. But when black and brown women tend to be chaotic in film, similar to Mickey, they are not successful in the world of dating or particularly sought after.

TV and film play an understated role in perpetuating racial bias on dating apps

When I was in my second year of university, a stranger approached a friend and me on the streets of Melbourne, asking to photograph us for his website about interracial couples. A little taken aback, we told him we weren’t together but had friends that might fit the bill. He went on to explain that many of his friends were Asian men who thought Anglo-Australian women just weren’t interested in dating them.

His website was his way of showing this wasn’t true. After a fittingly awkward goodbye, I never saw that man or, concerningly, his website again, but the unusual encounter stayed with me.

I’ve been fetishized by white — and non-white — men everywhere. I’m not alone. It seems that men have an Asian fetish, and I bear the brunt of it.

One user on Reddit posted a photo of the sign with the single-word rejoinder, “Kinda,” and the sixty-something comments that followed teased apart the the moral subtleties of dating within or outside of one’s own ethnicity or race. Reading through the thread feels like opening a Pandora’s Box, the air suddenly alive with questions that are impossible to meaningfully answer.

Dating sites and services tailored to race, religion, and ethnicity are not new, of course. JDate, the matchmaking site for Jewish singles, has been around since If you are ethnically Japanese, looking to meet ethnically Japanese singles, there is JapaneseCupid. Take a small half turn in the wrong direction, and there are dark places on the Internet like WASP Love, a website tagged with terms like “trump dating,” “alt-right,” “confederate,” and “white nationalism.

As if to underscore just how contradictory a belief in an Asian-American monolith is, South Asians are glaringly absent from the app’s branding and advertisements, despite the fact that, well, they’re Asian, too. I met the app’s publicist, a beautiful Korean-American woman from California, for a coffee, earlier this year. As we chatted about the app, she let me poke around her personal profile, which she had created recently after going through a breakup.

The interface might have been one of any number of popular dating apps. Swipe right to express interest, left to pass. I tapped on handsome faces and sent flirtatious messages and, for a few minutes, felt as though she and I could have been any other girlfriends taking a coffee break on a Monday afternoon, analyzing the faces and biographies of men, who just happened to appear Asian.

I had been interested in dating more Asian-American men, in fact— wouldn’t it be easier , I thought, to partner with someone who is also familiar with growing up between cultures?

‘Sexual Racism,’ and Life on Tinder as an Asian Man

Sort by race, swipe, match and chat. You can’t control who you love. Here’s how the app works in a nutshell: – Swipe right on profiles to “Like” them. Swipe “left” on profiles to skip them. Enjoy and good luck! Payment will be charged to your iTunes Account at confirmation of purchase.

Dating sites and services tailored to race, religion, and ethnicity are not new, of course. JDate, the matchmaking site for Jewish singles, has been.

Earlier this year, I went on a date with a man who told me he had a thing for Asian women. We were sitting across from each other at a table in a fancy restaurant and he stood up to do a head-to-toe scan of me. I am sick of being fetishised because of racist stereotypes about “small and compliant” Asian women. Credit: Stocksy. I told myself to run. Here was yet another man with what is not-so-jokingly referred to as Yellow Fever: the lazy and discriminatory hyper-sexualisation and fetishisation of Asian women, primarily by white men, solely based on race.

When I tried to break it off with him, he texted: “I hate you. Thankfully, there are thousands of gorgeous Japanese, Chinese and Korean girls in Sydney, so I will be okay. This is not unusual. I have spent most of my adult life expending psychological and emotional energy fending off men like him. I have a small body.

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A little taken aback, we told him we weren’t together but the friends dating might site asian bill. He went on to explain that many of his friends were Asian men girl thought Anglo-Australian women just weren’t interested in dating them. His website was his girl of showing this wasn’t true.

When it comes to “yellow fever,” many argue it’s a two way street. In this webisode, Asian women confess reasons for preferring white men including that they’re.

It was somewhat of a non sequitur from the conversation. He proceeded to give me a knowing look before launching into a monologue about his ever-enlightening travel experiences and exes overseas. He grins at me. I give him side-eye. This one has lived abroad in South Korea. He tells me he likes my tattoos and asks how my parents feel about them. Where ya going, baby? One study conducted across four U. However, there are those sly fetishists who can appear innocuous on the outside but have yellow fever vibes brewing beneath the surface.

They all managed to white-splain Chinese or Asian culture, whether in the form of travel stories, pop culture, anime, or tales of the Asian communities they immerse themselves in while simultaneously putting me on a pedestal for, well, just being Asian. These casual relationships have been short-lived. I only got into them because I was not fully aware, at first, that I was being fetishized. Perhaps these men are looking for an Asian woman who fits the stereotype of being submissive and quiet, but I am hardly that.

I grew up in a largely white city in Ohio, and I always have been and always will be vocal about mistreatment of people of color and backwards politics.

Gay asian white dating

Asian-Australian author and playwright Michele Lee describes how a meeting through online dating led to realisations about the subtleties of living in two vastly different worlds. I never used to date Asian girls, only white girls, until recently when I had sex for the first time with a girl from Hong Kong. Me: Thanks for writing. I was locked out of Lavalife. Casting my mind back to those years I spent as a one of the many little fishies in the ocean of Lavalife, wagging my tail at the non-Asian men, flitting away when Asian-Australian men approached me, another interaction springs to mind.

Good question.

Chinese American photographer Andrew Kung takes a difficult look at why so many Asian American males feel desexualized in US society.

Clip What about Interracial Marriage? Watch Seeking Asian Female – premiering May 6 at 10pm check local listings. Clip What is Yellow Fever? Bridging past and present, The First Rainbow Coalition examines how an unlikely coalition defied racial divisions. In , more than Chicagoans died in a single week. Why have you never heard of this disaster? Radical activist-turned-recluse Marion Stokes videotaped everything on TV for thirty years in the name of truth.

Full Film Meet the people working to stem the tide of violence in Baltimore, in Marilyn Ness’s acclaimed Charm City. After being shocked by Lennon Lacy’s death, his brother reveals disbelief at the police report declaring it a suicide. Lennon Lacy’s mother remembers the last time she saw her son, still seeking closure on his death. A Chinese woman meets a matchmaker who has blunt advice about her marriage prospects, in a scene from Leftover Women.

Modern Chinese women juggle love life with careers in a society that frowns on singlehood. Please review our comment guidelines.

I’m An Asian Woman And I Refuse To Be Fetishized

Yue Qian does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment. In fact, this is now one of the most popular ways heterosexual couples meet. Online dating provides users with access to thousands , sometimes millions, of potential partners they are otherwise unlikely to encounter.

It is fascinating to see how online dating — with its expanded dating pools — transforms our dating prospects. Can we broaden our social network to a variety of backgrounds and cultures by accessing thousands of profiles? Or do we limit our choice of partners through targeted searches and strict preference filters?

Tetris and sank deep into my gut. It was a Saturday afternoon and I was sitting in bed browsing through Bumble. I had been on this supposedly.

There are many myths and stereotypes when it comes to dating asian guys. Some are completely outlandish and some are, well, a little more spot on. Multiple articles and studies discuss how cultural stereotypes of Asian men may make them less attractive to women of all races, including Asians. According to the U. This frustration is not being taken lightly. Asian males are not portrayed as masculine, whereas Asian females are stereotyped as submissive, exotic.

The good news for Asian males is that as online dating is becoming less and less taboo, there are a lot more asian dating sites ready to help make meeting potential matches easier. No argument there.

Would Asian Girls Date Asian Guys Or White Guys?